Being overweight is more than just looking in the mirror, grabbing your stomach, thinking how ugly you are and being upset that your clothes and shoes don’t fit. It’s so much deeper than that. It’s when your boyfriend looks at you and tells you that your beautiful and how much he loves you and you don’t believe a word he says. You become bitter and angry and you’re tired all the time. What about the depression? Wow it’s like the freaking icing on the cake. The only thing that will make you feel better is a large pepperoni pizza, some potato chips to throw on top with a side of a big bowl and macaroni and cheese. (When you’re a chef it gets worse because I would go to the fancy cheese section of the super market and get a nice Gruyere and an aged Vermont cheddar to make mine. I might even get a package of the pancetta and now my comfort when from $1.28 to somewhere around $15.00) I always think people are looking at me and Rob when we go out and are probably thinking “What the hell is he doing with her” then I begin to believe these delusions, I begin to fight with him more and then I begin to see things that are not there! I fight with him about things he didn’t say or do. But I imagined that he did or implied it because why wouldn’t he right? It really becomes a vicious circle and usually ends up with me in tears crying that no one cares about me and stuffing my face with another Oreo or plate of pasta.
This week was hard!
It started with the best of intentions! I reduced the carbohydrate and dairy overload, I didn’t drink that much or have any sweets and I had a great workout on Monday. Then our TV broke… so that was a wonderful excuse to not do a workout video on Tuesday. I just assumed my boyfriend blamed it breaking on me so that started a wonderful evening of arguing, crying, making myself a strong fruity cocktail and eating some cake at my cousin’s 21st birthday party.
I didn’t work out Wednesday because I was exhausted from the day before and just wanted to sleep. Thursday I came home and sent inappropriate pics to Rob thinking he would get the hint of the kind of exercise I wanted to do but if it’s one thing I should already know is that you can’t give men hints. (Mom if you are reading this, sorry!) At least the house got cleaned and I got some laundry done. Friday morning, still feeling a little rejected from mainly the expectations I had in my head that were not actually expressed, I got a bacon, egg and cheese on a croissant and a couple of glazed munchkins because I needed some comfort! Wait what? Comfort? I felt like crap for most of the morning obsessing about the fact that I probably just ate 1000 calories just for breakfast! SMH! By the afternoon I was getting sore throat and was full on sick the whole weekend.
My name is Apollonia, and I am an emotional eater!
I really needed some help. Not with what to eat, because I know what I should be eating, but with the emotional stuff. I need to redirect that little guy in my head that looks at a salad and a pizza and says “Apple, you know the pizza will make you feel better”
Since starting this blog I’ve been forcing myself to write everything down. Because I’m keeping a log of what I’m doing and eating, I am so much more aware of my lifestyle. So I got a workbook for that reason.
I also got this book. It happens to be a best seller this month with 4.7 out of 5 stars and 451 customer reviews:
End of Week 1:
Reduced to less than 2 cups of coffee per day;
Eating only soup for lunch most days;
Reduced alcoholic beverages to 2-3 a week;
Smoothies most mornings (see recipe);
Been snacking more on fruit during the day;
Grilled a bunch of zucchini and have had the leftovers for a few days with dinner;
Monday for about 20 min.
Friday for about 20 min and I also did a real good cleaning in my house. That should count for cardio!
Weight: 261 lbs
If you buy these books or want to share another one that worked for you please let me know. Share your story with us!
See you all next week!
Here are a couple quick articles written by Jennifer Kromberg PsyD about overeating:
The books I plan to use: